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I was born at a relatively young age. Growing up consumed the better part of my childhood. As a young man I chased a lot of girls. But they kept getting away. Then I got older and even slower, so I got married. I've lived in New York City almost since before I moved here. I summer in Manhattan, which is like New York City, but with more humidity.

Here's me, without baby, thinking big thoughts. (Actually, what I'm thinking is, "Hey, these aren't Pringles!") I think I look better with baby.


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Terror Alert Level

Weather Forecast | Weather Maps | Weather Radar
I'm Ummar. Fly Me.
Monday, August 14, 2006
Fox news (yes, I'm watching Fox today) is reporting that the passengers aboard an Air Alaska flight from Guadalajara, Mexico to Los Angeles, California have been detained, because a suspicious-looking package has been found in the cabin, and no one is claiming ownership.

I managed to find a photo of the contents of that package online, and you can see it, here.

******

As I said, I don't think this was a terrorist plot gone bad. I think it was a terrorist plot that succeeded. I don't think the intent was ever to actually blow up planes. Rather, I think the intent was to add the liquid-and-gel frisk to the airport strip tease, in an attempt to further grind western business to a halt. This explains the message intercepted by British intelligence, wherein a Pakistani caller said to the Brit-based terrorist operative, "Remember that you can blow up commercial airliners with nothing but a sports drink and a travel shampoo and car keys."

This is only the beginning. The next terrorist threat will almost certainly come from suicide bombers who plan to destroy commercial airliners with exploding pants; by the following day, you won't be able to get on a plane with pants. Then, we can all anticipate the exploding hair gel plot, after which we will be required to have our heads shaved by the TSA agents when we pass through airport security.

Ultimately, we will sit on airplanes stark naked, with no possessions or newspapers to occupy us, covering our genitals with our boarding passes and passports in an attempt to maintain some modicum of dignity.

Me, the next time I fly, I will not strip off my shoes or my belt or my jacket at the check point. I will surrender no liquids, no gels. I will not do the air port strip tease. No, I'm prancing naked as a jaybird through security and onto the plane. And I'm going to like it. Because anything else, and the terrorists will have won.

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Posted by: --josh-- @ 4:08 PM  


1 Comments:
At 8/14/2006 6:34 PM, Anonymous annie said...   

Okay. Just be sure Janet brings the camcorder.

Personally, the no-liquids thing might put me on Amtrak permanently. Because if I can't travel with a bottle of spring water, I'll plotz.

Also: at one point in her toddlerhood, Tracy had to take medication every two hours, and it had to be liquid (she couldn't swallow pills), and, yes, it was a matter of life and death. What on earth would we have done on a coast-to-coast flight?


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