(God's column appears in this space every Friday.)

Happy First day of Christmas, everybody! Sorry I haven't put this up sooner; I was sleeping in. What, God doesn't get to sleep in on a 4-day weekend? Don't worry; if anything happens on earth, I have a baby monitor there in the room with you.

I don’t know about you, but I’m stuffed! Couldn’t eat another bite. (Well, that’s not true; obviously, I can do whatever I want. But in the form I assume when I present Myself to you, then no, not another bite.)

This is an interesting time of year down there on earth. So many of you get the Christmas bug. The weather turns nippy, the Black Friday shopping circulars hit, and as soon as the Cowboys game is over it seems like you all are camping out in front of K-Mart so you can be the first to get a $39 DVD player. Yes, the Spirit of Christmas lives on. Joy to the world.

Humans, it is foolish for you to rush continually headlong forward all the time. If you live in the US, you should enjoy Thanksgiving a little more. You probably saw family, people you don’t see as often as you should. Relish that. Have a turkey omelet for breakfast. Eat some more of that delicious stuffing for lunch. Be where you are, and relax; they aren’t going to run out of crappy DVD players at K-Mart.

I keep thinking one year I am going to pull a Grinch and cancel Christmas. Not out of spite or anything; just so you Westerners will stop seeing the birth of My boy as some sort of stimulus to fourth quarter retails sales. Don’t any of you see something wrong with the day you set aside to celebrate the birth of your Lord’s only earthly son, serving as the lynchpin of your fragile economy? I would call that a cosmic joke, only I’m not laughing.

Anyway, I don’t want to be a downer this week. So be of good cheer, and don’t rush through this season.

Next week: why good things happen to bad people.

Ciao,

God