According to the Pew Research Center, 42% of Americans believe that life on Earth has always existed as it does now. 48% believe in evolution; of these, a subset of 18% (that's 18 of the 48) believe evolution was guided by a supreme being.

Congratulations to those 18%. That is exactly right.

Please quote Me, the Lord thy God, on this. Thus spake Me. Evolution is one of My most brilliant achievements. And trust Me to know; I am after all omniscient. I took carbon and water and dirt, heated it up into a goopy soup, and four and a half billion years later here you are, reading a blog. Not too shabby, right? Evolution, dudes. Who's yo' daddy?

Now, those dullards who insist on taking the bible literally-- hey, don't blame Me for them. They may claim to speak for Me, but they do not. My spokespersons have a little more on the ball. I mean, let's face it. I am, after all, God. Who do you think I'd pick to speak for Me? (and remember that I have first dibs on pretty much everyone.) Would I pick Pat Robertson, or Stephen Hawking? Think about it.

The bible was written thousands of years ago, before the printing press, in languages none of you speak. Show of hands: who's seen a first edition copy? No one? Thought so. Check eBay; you won't find one. In the original Aramaic, the Old Testement is sheer poetry. A little heavy on the guilt perhaps, but I was younger then and have since found My voice. But the bible seems to have gotten all garbled up along the way, as you folks copied and translated it manually over thousands of years, and now even I hardly recogniize it. The original, in fact, was quite a groundbreaking scientific text-- just as I intended when I dictated it. (Which reminds me: whatever happened to the Book of Mary Magdeline? But I digress.)

So stop all this nonsense about God versus evolution. Only I could have brought you so complex and profoundly beautiful a thing as evolution. Remember that, the next time you see speeded up nature footage of a blooming rose.

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